Contemplations and Permutations
by GalexyQuest
Summary: Sheldon admits something to Penny and leaves. Penny comes clean with Leonard, then the whole gang makes observations. What will happen when they study their lives with new vision?
1. Sheldon

Sheldon placed a few more things in the box sitting on his bed and then glanced once more around the room. It took great concentration to stop the flutter deep in his stomach that was telling him to stop, and stay with the familiar.

_Change is bad. Change is scary. You cannot plan a future with change_.

"No" he said aloud. "This change will be good. " he stated quietly. "One way or the other, I have to leave. "

He summoned all the courage he would need at this point and took the last box to the front door.

He did not stop and look around one last time. He grabbed his jacket and bag, walked out the door and shut it behind him. The tears starting to sting his eyes he forced down.

"No" he said again. "I must do this. It will only kill me to stay..."

Unknown to his friends and even to Amy Farrah Fowler, Dr. Sheldon Cooper was not anywhere near the ignorant man when it came to social interactions. At least not ones of the heart. He had often lead with his heart in the past even when it went against his better judgement. He knew what true friendship was. Loyalty. Even love. He knew, and that is what finally drove him to his neighbor's door for this one last time...

*knock *knock *knock* "Penny"

*knock* knock* knock* "Penny"

*knock* knock* knock * "Penny"

Penny smiled from ear to ear. No one would ever know just how much she was glad that whackadoodle lived across the hall. Sheldon sure was different, but boy did he keep things interesting.

She opened the door wide and what she saw made her smile even more, if that was possible.

Sheldon was standing there in jeans, a navy blue button down shirt and a sports jacket was draped over his arm. His hair was not plastered down, and he hadn't shaved this morning. Penny felt her heart skip just a beat as she looked at him with new eyes for the first time. Dare she think it, did she think Sheldon was hot?

"Sheldon! Wow, you look... wow! Great! _(sexy_) What's the occasion?"

"Hello Penny, may I come in?"

Penny held the door open wide, her eyes still following the almost normal looking man she had known all these years now. Her stomach was fluttering as she realized just how handsome she always thought he was. There was something different about the way he carried himself, as if he was all grown up. He turned and looked at her in a way he never had before. Penny didn't know what to call it, it scared her a little. It was similar to how her dad looked when he had to tell her an animal on the farm had died. A look that was full of love, but also full of sadness at the same time. Damn his eyes were so blue and gorgeous. Penny had forgotten how sexy his eyes were. She used to stare at them all the time challenging him. Lately, they hadn't really seen each other much at all. She felt a bit melancholy.

"Sheldon sweetie, what's going on? What happened?"

"Penny, may we please sit down? I have many things to say to you, and I have a plane to catch shortly."

"Oh my gosh Sheldon, is it your grandmother? Is she ok?"

Sheldon momentarily forgot what he was there for and allowed himself to smile a warm smile. _Such a caring heart. What an extraordinary woman._

"No Penny, no everyone is just fine. Thank you for asking, but this is something else."

Penny sat down beside him and stared again at his eyes. He was a completely different person. He looked at her again with that look of love and sadness and began to speak.

"Penny, I have many things to say to you and I would like you to just hear me out and not interrupt. It has taken a great deal of time for me to draw up the courage, so I need to delay no further or I may blow this whole thing." He dropped his head and took a deep breath.

"Penny, I will just come out and say it. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You smiled at Leonard and me the first day we met, and you were so stunning, I had to turn my eyes away lest I faint from your glow. I knew my roommate well enough to deduce that he would pounce on you like a cat and I had no desire to be a part of that as well. I felt you most assuredly had a substantial amount of men who declare their love for you probably on a routine basis. I had always thought myself above that sort of thing, but I couldn't help myself. I was mesmerized by you."

"Ever since you came into our lives, and called me a beautiful mind genius guy, my heart has been yours. However, I had no desire to be one of the many men that fling themselves at your feet, and determined that in a world of choices, I would probably rate dead last, or at least second to last, one step ahead of Wolowitz." he smiled sheepishly and Penny's heart burned. He was being ADORABLE.

Penny couldn't keep her heart from racing. Guys had hit on her all her life, but none had talked to her like this before. Not even Leonard. And what was this about a plane? Penny was getting more and more anxious by the second.

"I decided then, to make myself as obnoxious as possible to keep you at bay and give my heart a rest. You surprised me by being a friend to me regardless. No matter how crazy I got ."

His eyes widened and he gave her a knowing stare. Penny remembered panties on the phone line and rides to work early in the morning. She smiled back.

"My affinity for you only grew. You are truly one of a kind. I knew Leonard would never cease in his quest for you, and I decided a long time ago that your friendship was the best thing I could possibly have, as it would at least keep you in my life. I never approved of you and Leonard in the beginning, as it tore at my heart seeing the two of you together. But then you stated once that you would leave for Nebraska when things were going badly, so I encouraged your relationship towards the end just to keep you in my life."

Sheldon raked his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh. He just couldn't get any cuter. He looked at her once again and the look he had this time was stern, maybe a bit angry? She couldn't tell...

"Penny, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I see now what Leonard and you are doing to each other and I have to say something. I had to DO something. Leonard has deep scars Penny, you know that. As much as I admire and envy him growing up with a genius like Beverly, even I know it has to hurt when your own mother doesn't demonstrate her love for you. I can't imagine it really. I grew up with the most caring and loving mother there was, even though she is bat crap crazy. Leonard is a great guy Penny. He's been a great friend to me. He not only needs, but deserves the love, respect and adoration of a good woman. It would go a long way to allowing him to heal. Quite frankly, I don't think that you can provide that."

_I DO have issues with commitment_...Penny thought

"And I know that you have been hurt as well. I don't know all the details, but I know what a broken heart feels like, and I know you don't want to go through that ever again. You know Leonard will never hurt you, and I think you have placed that above being courageous enough to risk hurt in order to find someone else. Penny, your inner glow has been fading month after month. You've been drinking more. You have shut yourself off from your other friends. The happy Penny is gone, and it saddens me."

Sheldon's posture and voice grew more serious.

"I'm sorry, but do you really see him as the "one" for you? Everyone deserves to be happy Penny. Certainly Leonard, and most assuredly you. " He hesitated and dropped his head before adding quietly, "and even me."

Without realizing it, Penny eyes began to water. Of course everything Sheldon was saying was true. It hurt so much to be betrayed. To have your heart broken in two. Leonard would NEVER do that to her. She would never have to worry about that. He would take care of her, hell, always DID take care of her. From day one. So sweet, so caring, always willing to listen. Leonard is a great friend. The best she ever had. But she always felt it was better when they WERE just friends. This relationship she was in, however secure, left her feeling ...lacking somehow. She always thought it was a flaw in herself. But if Sheldon saw it too, maybe it was true.

Then Sheldon did something she never thought he would do. He placed one hand on hers, and the other on her chin and lifted it so her eyes met his. Then he wiped her tears away.

"Don't cry Penny, I don't say these things to make you sad. I am here for quite another reason. "

He smiled at her and it was contagious. This new Sheldon was certainly full of surprises. Suddenly she felt like she wasn't alone with her thoughts and doubts anymore. Someone else understood her.

Then he furrowed his brows and started talking again, sweet Jesus, now what?

"Penny, I can't stay any longer and watch you and Leonard be together. It hurts too much. Not only that, I can also tell my zeal for my work is suffering. That is why I put in a request to work in Switzerland at Cern, and they have graciously accepted."

Penny tried to soak in this new piece of information. Then it hit her, the suit, the plane...the confession, my God, he's leaving. He's leaving right now. _Never one for maudlin displays of emotion._ The guys were all away at a convention. Even Bernadette and Amy were gone. Penny's heart sank. Sheldon saw that she got it right away, of course she would. She was so beyond him when it came to human interaction. A true genius at deciphering people's thoughts and emotions.

"Sheldon don't..." and the tears came now, she didn't know why, they just did. How was she going to live without this man across the hall. The man that kept her smiling. Kept her challenged, kept her from slipping into depression. Before she could say anything else, Sheldon put something in her hands.

She looked down. It was a card, a debit or credit card. She didn't understand.

"Penny. I have to do this. You know that I do. I need to leave and I need to be at Switzerland. For the first time in a long time I am excited. Scared to death too, but excited. There, I WILL win the Nobel Prize, and also, I need to be away from here, the memories, and ...

...and you and Leonard."

Penny couldn't see Sheldon anymore, her eyes were so blurry. Even as he said the words, she knew it was true. He was the most brilliant man on the planet. He needed to go. All the time they spent together suddenly rushed through her mind and she cried more and more.

"Penny, keep this. Keep it somewhere safe. It is an account I created in your name. It is there if you ever need anything. Also, there is enough for a ticket to Switzerland, should you ever decide to, you know...visit."

Sheldon stood and pulled Penny up on her feet. He put his hands on either side of her face and brushed the tears away with his thumbs. "If you ever want to start over, I will be anything you need Penny. You can come be my friend, or you can come and be more, but if you were in my life in any way at all, I would be happy. I can no longer be here. I need to do this. I hope you understand. If anyone in the world could, it would be you. "

Sheldon looked into Penny's eyes. Now it was his turn to cry. _Is this the last time I will ever gaze upon your beauty?_ Their foreheads touched. They shared a brief look, and then Sheldon bowed his head and pressed his lips to hers. Gently. And the emotions flowed through them both, and the tears continued to fall. Penny felt her arms go around Sheldon and she pulled him close. Sheldon returned the embrace. Their kiss broke, and they hugged for a long time, swaying back and forth. They cried together briefly before he pulled apart and kissed her again. This time like his life depended on it. Penny felt the urgency and returned it in kind. Then too soon, it was over, and he whispered the words in her ear, his breath gave her shivers down her spine.

"God how I love you."

And without looking at her, he slowly released his grip and walked without another word out the door and into his future.


	2. Penny

**A/N: WOW! I appreciate all the reviews and follows! It is surprising as I don't consider myself a writer, but I like to take these characters out and play with them in my own warped head from time to time. This fic is meant to be a feel good story, so I am steering clear of any of the usual things that cause these characters to have issues. I am also painting a picture of the way I WISH the characters felt, and not necessarily what is being portrayed in the series. I am making it up as I go. It's sort of Pollyanna in a way, so no bashing and smashing please! May get OOC. So let's sit back, maybe smile just a bit, and fantasize that everyone gets along. Onto Chapter 2! **

Penny was in a daze. Two days had gone by and Leonard and the gang were due back tomorrow. Movers had come and loaded up all of Sheldon's things and taken them away. Penny had spent the time back and forth between crying and smiling and laughing, remembering all the times she spent with Sheldon. She used her spare key and sat in his spot with a blanket around herself, wishing someone were there to bring her a hot beverage. The place looked empty. Sheldon's things were gone. His room was bare. Her heart was breaking. She found an envelope on the counter for Leonard but it was sealed. She could only wonder what it said. Wondered what would be on Amy's counter at home. She couldn't bear to think of Amy being hurt either. This would change everything. Nothing was the same anymore. She considered all the times she ever spent with Sheldon and wondered how she missed what an awesome man he was.

What was going to happen to them all? They all were good people and all deserved to be happy. Amy would never get what she needed from Sheldon, she saw that now. She would need to stay and help her figure that out. Build up her esteem to find someone who truly appreciated her quirky genius self. Leonard would be without his best friend. There would be a hole in his heart. He would need a new roommate and he would press Penny to fill the void. Sheldon was right. Leonard deserved so much more. He was a great guy. Funny, smart, he needed a woman who would adore him and look up to him. Give him everything he didn't get as a child. Penny could see that she only fed into his insecurities.

She was so afraid of commitment.

When did everything get so complicated?

When she was all cried out, she washed her face and put on some flashy clothes to help her feel better. It was then she realized she hadn't drank in two days. She didn't want to face him again, but couldn't help herself. So she got out her phone and sent a quick text:

P: miss u already

and almost immediately her phone chirped..

S: not as much as I miss you

Well that did it. Penny's heart burst open again. God, why did he DO this to them all? She flipped back and forth now between being sad and angry. But she understood, she really did. You can't help who you love. She could see that it was ruining Sheldon seeing her with someone else. This was a good move for him. But she was left holding all the broken pieces. She typed out another quick reply:

P: Sheldon, my God. Amy?

and to her surprise,

S: She already knows. She is the one who got tired of waiting on me. Told me she deserved better. Told me to get over myself and tell you how I feel. She helped me with the whole thing. I will always treasure her friendship. Quite frankly, I think she is more enamored with you than me. *wink*

P: !

S: Penny really, your skill at verse astounds me.

_(whackadoodle)_

P: I'm proud of you. That was sarcasm.

S: Yes, I am much more aware than what I had everyone believing.

Penny wondered if she really knew Sheldon at all. She wondered how much of what he said and did was all to push her away or later to keep her close.

P: I am sitting in your spot you know.

S: Yes, I assumed you would. It is no longer my spot. I give it to you.

P: I am mad at you for leaving me. What am I going to do?

S: Only you can know for sure.

P: miss you

S: not as much as I miss you

Penny threw the phone across the room. She was a bundle of emotion and thought she would burst from not knowing how to handle it all.

"Damnit girl get a grip!" She yelled. "You can do this, you can do anything you set your mind to."

She decided to keep herself busy and went to work to ask for an extra shift. It helped, but in the back of her mind she couldn't get Sheldon out of her mind. That kiss. It was unlike any kiss she had felt before. And it was Sheldon! Yet it felt _right._ Damn that Sheldon. She was missing him more and more by the minute, but she couldn't figure out just when that crazy mind genius guy snaked his way into her heart. Dare she think it, had it always been him?

She made up her mind. When Leonard came home, she would have a talk with him. He was always so understanding. He would help her figure this out. Underneath it all, he cared for her and wanted her to be happy. He was a friend first, and lover second. They would talk it all out. It would all be fine. She felt better knowing this was all going to get out in the open. I think there was a part of her that knew they were both hanging by a thread.

She finally crawled into bed with all her thoughts swirling around her not knowing which one or what problem to focus on, when the memory of the kiss crept into the edges, took hold, and remained with her until she fell into a peaceful, contented slumber.


	3. Leonard

When she was all through, she shut her mouth and looked at him intently with anxiety. Leonard didn't know what to say first or what to feel first. So he just sat there. Face scrunched up like he was deep in thought. And he WAS deep in thought. When he first saw her upon his return he knew it was over. He knew it before she said anything. It was nothing she did, just an innate knowledge he had of her after so long. So he knew it was coming. But after she explained it, and holy crap! learned of Sheldon's declaration, he was stunned.

He couldn't argue over the logic of Penny making him worse and more insecure than he already was, if it was even possible, but it made sense. And now all he knew about living with Sheldon for years was starting to slowly come into focus...he did become more neurotic and crazy after they met Penny. Sure, he was always a know it all and a bit OCD, but not as bad as he became. Often what he said made no sense at all. Penny touching his food, heck he ate chicken out of the trash once.

He remembered Sheldon being a "semi pro" at certain things and talking of women with a broad backside, then he went full tilt into the other direction it seemed overnight. Now he got it. It was all starting to unfold and he saw it for what it was. Sheldon had fell hard for Penny when they first met, and all his actions to date were just coping mechanisms for keeping him from unravelling. He sure knew what it felt like, he had been just as caught up in the wirlwind that was "Penny" as well, but this was different. Sheldon never once showed an interest in anyone ever before. He even felt his own heart break just a bit for the poor guy.

And it made him feel a little good to know that he hadn't been the one to drive Sheldon crazy. Their relationship started becoming more and more strained, Leonard getting more irritated with his craziness, and Sheldon seemingly being crazy on purpose just to test him, my GOD! It all made sense now. Even Leonard's own insecurities. He didn't know why being with Penny always made it seem worse. He knew he had issues. He knew that and had therapy for years and years and tried to always draw upon all he knew of the world to cope. But try as you might, sometimes childhood trauma is so ingrained in your very self that intellect is not enough to keep you sane, you need something else. Perhaps some_one _else.

Penny was the epitome of everything he ever dreamed of, yet she felt like the science fair blue ribbon that would one day be taken back away. Every moment and every day was like waiting for the other shoe to drop and it wreaked havoc with his ego. He questioned her every move and her every word with anyone from the opposite sex. He questioned HIMSELF every time Penny got irritated with him. Frak! He must look like a sniveling mess sometimes!

He loved Penny, he truly and deeply loved her, but he couldn't help but admit to himself that she just didn't _complete_ him. Make him feel safe. Often after they had made love, they would lay there holding each other in the dark and Leonard would just stare at the ceiling and feel _more _anxious rather than secure. Was that right? Were relationships supposed to be this much work? Penny had just said there was something missing, and he just had to admit it to himself as well. Neither one could ever understand how they could laugh so much and be such great friends, then when they got together everything turned crazy and complicated. It was all making so much sense now...

"Leonard for God's SAKE will you SAY something please? Yell, scream, or throw something just don't SIT there like that!"

Leonard looked at her with his most serious and intent stare. Then he did something that completely surprised her. He smiled. He grinned so big she thought his head would break. He opened his mouth and began to giggle. He tried to stop it, and covered his mouth a few times, but that just made him giggle all the more. Penny was speechless. _Holy crap on a cracker, I BROKE him!_ she thought. But then Leonard just continued to laugh the more puzzled she looked.

Then she got it. And she started to smile. Then to giggle. She knew then. She knew it and saw it in his eyes. He was OK with it. They were both so relieved and both so happy that they could go back to being themselves, and it took one Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper _aka_ Mr. Whackadoodle himself to point it out to them both. It was hysterical! The tension was released and they laughed together and then couldn't catch their breath. When it started to calm down, Penny went in for a hug. And they held each other on the couch for a long, long time. Like two best friends.

"So what are you going to do now?" Leonard asked while they were leaning on each other holding hands.

"That, and that alone is the mystery of the universe Leonard. I have absolutely no clue."


	4. The Gang

**AN: Thank you so much for the warm feedback! Not really sure if I pulled off the gang the way I wanted, so let me know if it flows with the story. Just two or three chapters left. Hope you enjoy!**

Raj was grinning from ear to ear. Bernadette had a quizzical look on her face, Amy just knowingly nodded, and Howard kept saying over and over again:

"What the frak? Sheldon has a deal?"

Penny and Leonard had called them all over the next day after spending the whole night just talking about all that had happened with them over the many years they knew each other. They had agreed to get everyone together and tell them what had happened to Sheldon and why. The dynamic of the group was definitely going to change, and change drastically. And even though she thought they were all mostly a bunch of socially clueless nerds, Penny knew they each would need the opportunity to voice their opinions and concerns and also maybe sadness at the notion that they would be without their quirky, super genius, almost villain friend for quite some time.

She noticed Raj and gave him a suspicious stare...

"Spill it quiet man, you've had enough beer to say what that big goofy grin of yours is all about."

Raj spoke matter-of-factly, "It's so obvious now, I can't help but wonder how a room full of geniuses couldn't figure it out sooner! I mean, Sheldon went to you for just about any problem he ever had. His eyes never lit up with us, but only with you, new comic books, trains, and Dr. Who. I've been wondering about the possibility of you two for a long, time, but always thought it was Sheldon's fear of human contact that would never allow it to be. Who would have thought you were just as attracted to him as he is to you! It's so 'girl next door' romantic! " he sighed dreamily.

Penny was flustered. _Am I attracted to Sheldon?_ "I admit I felt way more than I ever have before with him when he said goodbye, but before that? I just don't know Raj...I don't know anything anymore."

They all rolled their eyes in unison.

"What? You ALL think that?"

Amy chimed in before the others had a chance.

"Bestie, you know I love you for your flawless skin, golden hair, and contagious effervescence, but being the outsider of the group as well as a neurobiologist, I couldn't deny the spark that existed during each one of your sparring moments with Sheldon. I mean, for the first several months Sheldon and I were friends, I thought you two were together."

Penny didn't know what to say. Bernadette nodded in agreement.

"Mm hmmm, that's true. You know, now that I think about it, you two always did seem way more comfortable with each other than anyone else. Penny, you always felt a little out of place with me and Amy cause we were scientists. Same for all the guys cause they all were so attracted to you, but for some reason, you and Sheldon just always sort of "clicked".

"Yeah, like two puzzle pieces just fit together to make a whole." Raj swooned. "That is the perfect metaphor I would use to describe the two of you. You just fit together."

"More like the evil genius and the beautiful lab assistant." was Howard's two cents. "However surreal it seemed then, hindsight IS 20/20. Now that I think about it, you two did always have a certain chemistry. Especially during Halo tournaments. I often thought if you two ever teamed up permanently you both would rule the world as overlords. It was kinda scary..."

"Maybe scary, but in a good way" Amy started, "Yeah, six foot one of complete awkward boyish charm, deep sea blue penetrating eyes...paired with Penny's emerald green and hair of gold..." Amy stared off into the distance and Penny looked at her like she was a loon.

"And..." Leonard chimed in, "Penny was the only one who could get Sheldon to do stuff when he didn't want to, and who never had to take his class, even after she was on his mortal enemy list."

They all nodded their assent.

"Ok guys, hold on just a doggone minute here." Penny was overwhelmed.

"Seems you guys have it all figured out and all we did was tell you Sheldon left and why. I just got hit with this myself and don't really know what to think about it all yet."

They all looked at her in stunned silence.

Howard stood and sauntered over to her.

"It's OK if you don't see it yet Penny," he stated with a bit of condescension. "You don't have to see it. We ARE the geniuses of the group and it's already a known constant. We just have to figure out the propulsion mechanism to make it all come together." They all nodded in agreement. You could see the wheels turning in each one of them.

"Too bad it's unethical to do experiments on the live human brain, or I could take care of this with one day in the lab." Amy mumbled.

Raj jumped up to Penny's defense. "Hold on you guys! We can't treat this like it's a science experiment. This involves matters of the HEART and must be handled with care, several gallons of ice cream and romantic chick flicks. I suggest a girl's night."

She wasn't sure if that sounded like a good idea or if she should run and hide. "Oh balls." Penny said and flopped down on the white chair. "I give up. You're right and I'm clueless. I'm so confused right now I don't know what to do or think. I guess I could use a little help from a bunch of high IQ nerdy types."

They all sat there for a few minutes, minds turning and thoughts flying. If Penny didn't know better, she thought she could feel the electrical charge. Leonard finally broke the silence.

"Ok, let's take a break. I think we ALL need to let this sink in. But in the mean time, we have to deal with Sheldon being gone. First things first, Raj, I'm not going to be able to afford the rent by myself. How would you like to move into Sheldon's room? We could also carpool."

Raj thought about it for all of two seconds and then agreed. They decided to order some pizza, play a few games and then retire for the night. Everyone had a good time, but it did seem off without Sheldon's stories or intriguing fun facts. Howard and Bernadette were the first to leave.

Penny wandered back across the hall and fell fast asleep, her dreams fitful.

And Leonard grinned, as Amy offered Raj a ride home and he thanked her with a shy smile.

_Things were definitely going to be different_, he thought. And for the first time in a long, long time, Leonard fell asleep quickly and dreamt sweetly of the future, and of the hope of many good things to come.


	5. Contemplations of Sheldon

**AN: Thanks for all the feedback! I feel very honored. Ok, so I am not great at dialogue. Here is your warning that part of the title to this fic is called contemplations for a reason. The next two chapters will be Sheldon and Penny reminiscing about their lives and where they fit. Here is what Sheldon has been up to. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

He was finally beginning to feel comfortable in his new apartment. It was sparsely furnished, but as Raj would say, "homey". He currently had the floor to himself as renovations were still ongoing all over the building and his rent was discounted until they were completed.

He had to adjust to the dress code of the facility and it dictated he go shopping for new attire, however, he still wore his super hero tshirts. He simply donned button down oxfords over them rather than long sleeve thermals underneath. He wondered why he hadn't made the switch years ago. It was considerably more comfortable.

For practical reasons he also stopped shaving everyday as the cold winter air that hit his face in the mornings would often take his breath away. He found a slight growth, with minimal length was sufficient in keeping his face warm, yet still gave him a look of distinction. Wearing the hair down around the ears a bit more didn't hurt either.

The image when reflected back on him in the mirror every morning reminded him of his father. He wasn't sure if he liked it, but it made him feel like a man. He wondered what his dad might have been like breaking out on his own, before life and alcohol had destroyed him. He thought of his father alot, and hoped that he would be proud of him right now.

He was pleasantly surprised to feel an immense calm about his work here in this country. Perhaps it was because he was on a team with those of his own caliber. Perhaps it was the facility itself which exuded its distinction on everyone and everything around it. Or maybe it was the very land, rich with culture, science and heritage. There was something deeply satisfying about it that gave him some peace.

Maybe it was just him, but he felt the very air in the city buzzed with electric excitement being home to the world's largest and most respected centers for scientific research. He was honored to be here, and finally felt like he finally belonged...

He was in his element.

He had never belonged before...never had a single friend when he was a young boy. His pursuit for knowledge had consumed him. All he wanted to do when he was a child was break free from the trailer park world which he believed kept him from his dreams.

He was surrounded by childhood bullies, school mates who were far older than him, colleagues far more mature, and a family that didn't understand him. Not until Leonard became his roommate did he get a glimpse at what friendship meant. As a young man, he was finally able to play as he never had when young_. _

The halo tournaments, kite fighting, renaissance fairs, and paintball wars were some of the happiest times of his life. He even got to experience profound loyalty in Penny when she drove two hours and got back his World of Warcraft items from Todd Zarnecki...

If Sheldon didn't already have a huge crush on her then, that would have put the nail in the coffin. He was so in awe of her fearlessness and courage. But even more so for her devotion to stick up for her friends. He had never had that.

Now he felt a part of something bigger than himself.

In his spare time he toured the neighboring city of Geneva at length and was content to try the cuisine at different times on different days and had almost created a new schedule. He left a few days open for spontaneity, for after all, _what's life without whimsy?_

But he missed his Tuesday night cheeseburger. He remembered the first time he ordered it and Penny made sure it was done correctly. She was the only woman to ever understand he needed things a certain way. Even though he constantly berated her to keep her away, she was always still so nice to him.

He attended almost all the movie theaters, and although he craved to see a live performance, in the back of his mind he wanted to save that for Penny, so they could experience it together. And although he sometimes felt melancholy, these fantasies were far better than any real life he had back in California seeing her so close, and always just out of reach, unattainable.

_...sleeping in her bed when I was locked out of my apartment..._

She didn't know it, but Sheldon would have been fine sleeping on her couch. But once the opportunity presented itself that he should stay, he found himself desperately wanting to inhale her scent the entire night while her very own linen was wrapped securely around him.

Her sitting on the bed with him almost drove him mad. He wanted her to sing to him, but he had no idea she would take such liberties and get so close...

He told her all the time he didn't like her invading his space, but the truth was that he wasn't sure if he could maintain control of his will power.

He checked the balance on the card he gave Penny every single day. She never spent a single dime, yet he checked it daily anyway. He awoke each morning with renewed hope, and went to bed each night with a longing for her company.

_...we're like an old married couple..._

He would not contact her. Years of being her neighbor taught him that she detested neediness. Men that would fall all over her and worship her like a goddess made her feel uncomfortable. Penny was a big ole five after all, when she made her mind up she wanted Sheldon, he would see her. He had to let her come to him, otherwise, she would always wonder. Until then, he was content to be in this place and wait.

He longed to discuss these new emotions and discoveries with Penny. His confidante, his companion, his best friend. She had a way of sorting things out and helping him understand feelings that were new and different.

_because... love trumps hate..._

And he knew like he knew he would prove string theory, that Penny and he belonged together. And although he had previously considered the notion of intuition to be pure hokum, he believed in it now nonetheless. He believed in her.

And he believed it was inevitable, their being together. He just didn't know the when or the how. And Mary Cooper did not raise a fool. And although it took him far longer than most to figure out the intricacies of the man and woman paradigm, figure it out he did.

He imagined her with him every day, in everything he did. Every meal he ate, every movie he watched, every walk he took. He thought of meals shared, and staircase chats, of vanilla oil and gift baskets.

He smirked at how he couldn't figure out his own self. When had he become such an enigma? A man so full of emotion and philosophical thoughts? And yet, he knew the answer.

The swirling vortex of entropy that had entered his organized life had wreaked havoc on his schedules and altered him interminably.

And he knew he could never escape her grasp on his life, for no matter the time, or the distance, Penny would reside in his heart, forever.


	6. Contemplations of Penny

**AN: Ok here is what Penny has been up to as she takes a trip down memory lane and looks back on her life, while thoughts of Sheldon periodically interrupt her concentration. Hope I have portrayed the reason why I think they belong together. Only a chapter or two left. Hope you enjoy it! **

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Penny took a long hard look at herself to figure out just what the heck she was doing. She was shocked at everyone's cursory acceptance of Sheldon's behavior, and of her own as well. The gang was continually scheming to get her and Sheldon together, so she took extra shifts at the restaurant to avoid them.

_I know they're all geniuses and they're just trying to help, but it's been so long since I've done anything right, I don't even remember it..._

Her life was a mess and had been for quite some time. She remembered why she initially packed up and moved out to California. She despised being the farmer's daughter. She saw her sister despise it too and get pregnant at 17. If Penny didn't watch out she was going to follow right along in her path.

All she wanted was to find a way off that damn boring farm. With a pregnant sister, and a criminal brother, her father had no choice but to depend on her as the heir, but she never felt good enough for him. Try as she might, she couldn't be the surrogate son, so she latched on to any man that showed her the time of day. It didn't get her off the farm, all it got her was a bad reputation.

It just didn't make sense. Deep inside she felt destined for something big. She had loads of common sense and was smart as a whip. She caught on fast when someone showed her how to do something, and she had an innate talent for reading people. Her friends all told her she was psychic, but Penny knew she was just extremely observant and intuitive. She knew it like she knew how to hog tie a calf in under 60 seconds, that she was no more meant to be on a farm, than a firefly was meant to be in a jar.

So when she saved up a couple thousand dollars, all that she left behind was a trail of dust. She thought her looks would take her far, but without any background, training, or portfolio, it didn't take long to feel that same suffocation and start falling into old habits. Dating one guy then the next, each time hoping she would find what she was looking for, if not in her career, then in someone else. It never worked. It wasn't the farm, but it was just as bad.

She tried going back to school at the city college. She tried dating Leonard, tried other guys, then Leonard again. Enrolled in more classes, then another try with Leonard... Frak! If it wasn't so tragic, she would have to laugh at herself right now for realizing how little she had accomplished.

Who was she fooling? She was no actor. And she was too undisciplined to stay at school. And no matter who she dated she always felt as if they wanted something from her she couldn't give. Why hadn't she noticed this before? It took an OCD braniac to catapult her into this realization.

_Why am I still here doing the same old things? What is wrong with me? What do I want?_

It was just too much. Like Sheldon when he was stuck, she was focusing too much on the problem. She was almost ready to go into the kitchen and pour herself a big old glass of wine when she remembered Sheldon's words ...

"you're drinking more...and it saddens me."

She missed her little Shelbot moonpie.

"If I'm not going to drown my sorrows, I guess I'll just have to do it the old fashioned way."

So she hung her head and cried. She cried a river. She cried until she was all cried out, then cleaned herself up and started all over again. When she calmed down just a bit, she remembered she felt the same exact way the first time she met Sheldon. Already an emotional wreck from moving and from that disaster of a man Kurt, she looked up from her unpacking to see, what did Amy call it? Yes, six foot one of awkward boyish charm.

She was instantly smitten. She flashed him her very best megawatt smile. He didn't even try to hide his shyness. His innocence alone was enough for her to want to climb all over and corrupt him in ways Penny knew could turn a man to butter.

She tried flirting with no success. Complimented his equations. She wanted him to sit next to her and she wanted to get lost in those beautiful genius eyes of his, eyes that if you stared into them for too long, could make you forget all your heartache and pain.

It didn't take long for her to realize she was out of HIS league, after listening to him talk for just a bit, and so she broke down again in front of complete strangers right there on the couch.

_I wish I could go back to that day and start over moonpie...I would do things so differently..._

Penny could spot the obvious in two seconds flat. Why she didn't pick up on Sheldon's supposed crush on her was beyond reason. Maybe it was overshadowed by Leonard's flagrant infatuation. If anything, Sheldon's complete disdain for her should have made her try all the harder to break his shell. If she had only picked up on the one clue he ever gave her...

_No one can be that attractive and this skilled at video games..._

She didn't even discern how he had a way about him that always made her want to do better. Like how proud he looked when she remembered Dr. Emil Farmen-Farmaian and the reasons he had a 'spot'. In fact, Penny usually felt good around him. Irritated sometimes, sure, but mostly relaxed and comfortable. She felt sparked. He even made her feel superior to him at times.

_I need your help in a matter of semiotics..._

Now that she thought about it, he even went beyond his comfort zone several times for her. Came into her apartment and gave her Schrodinger relationship advice, tried to teach her physics. Even drove her to the hospital.

_helped her get dressed...held my breast...peeked at my tattoo..._

She couldn't stop thinking about the way he looked when he left, his longing blue eyes, his passionate kiss.

She thought about that kiss constantly. If a man with no experience could kiss like that from the heart, she wondered what else the beautiful mind genius guy could do. It was enough to keep her daydreaming and night dreaming, and all kinds of other dreaming.

But Penny didn't want to base everything on a kiss. It was all well and good to be able to sleep with a guy. But she had NEVER been able to be comfortable with anyone when the cold light of day entered onto the scene after a night of wild abandon.

_...but I AM comfortable around Sheldon...minus the night of abandon..._

And then her mind drifted to some of the moments she and Sheldon had spent together alone. It always felt so natural around him. He made her laugh at his social naivety, and he would smirk at the faces she made at his superior vocabulary. She could never beat him at scrabble, but he couldn't touch her at halo. He continued to sneak in at night and clean her apartment, and she in turn would pilfer his milk. They sometimes played putt putt on Saturdays, and then did their laundry together that night.

..._when did you and I become friends?..._

They even continued to be Queen Penelope and Sheldor the conqueror, long after Penny's addiction came under control. She thought of Disneyland and the Pottery Barn. Penny blossoms and panty pinatas. Learner's permits and hot dog spaghetti.

Offers of money and taking care of sick friends.

Early morning rides and gift buying advice.

_...Him in his underwear and sushi karaoke..._

_...the time he spent the night..._

_...when he bought that new suit and then got drunk and lost his pants..._

_...him sitting on her bed, singing soft kitty as a round..._

_...that goodbye kiss..._

And just like that it hit her.

She popped up off the couch. She stood very still, waiting for the tiny voice in her head to tell her she was wrong again, she was making poor choices. But it DIDN'T. It felt RIGHT. She smiled to herself, then laughed out loud, then jumped up and down. Then she ran around the room not knowing where to stop. She squealed with delight. After all these years of running and searching and hoping and dreaming, Penny finally discovered her destiny.

Penny always wondered when she would meet a guy she could be happy doing the everyday ordinary things with, and she had it all along! Not only was he her best friend, they practically did everything together already!

Sheldon was the most brilliant man on the planet. HE was going to be huge. HE was going to be famous. HE was going to win the Nobel prize. His ego would settle for nothing less. He turned his life upside down and left the woman he loved to do it.

She would be the woman behind the man. Penny would be anything and everything for him. She finally put it all together. He would temper her spontaneity and rash judgements, while she would push him beyond his strict rigidity and beyond his fears.

And they would balance out. Sheldon needed her. She needed him. Together, they could rule the world.

All this time it was Penny that wanted to shine, and she just realized that she could shine, but at his side as a part of him.

And it was as natural as breathing as the realization crept into her mind. She knew what her goal in life was...and boy was it big...

Penny was destined to love Sheldon.

Now there was only one thing left to do...

_Holy Caped Crusaders, now where the frak did I put that card!?_


	7. Permutations

**AN: Ok, here is the final chapter. I hope I did it justice and doesn't come off too sappy. This was really where my story started in my head, everything else got them here. A few quotes and things are added just because. Not sure about an epilogue, still working, so for now MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

* * *

permutation**: **a way, esp. one of several possible variations, in which a set or number of things can be ordered or arranged.

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."  
-Sam Keen

_SSSSS_

She didn't know how the gang had done it, but she supposed if you got that many geniuses together in one room for a single purpose, anything could happen. Several strings were pulled, favors called in, and promises granted to get her a part time job. They even managed to lease her an apartment for six months at a great deal. How they managed that was inconceivable. Sheldon's money bought her the ticket and then some, so before she knew it she was off and running.

She was brimming with excitement at the thought of a fresh start in a romantic land with the man for whom she felt destined. It was similar to when she first left Nebraska, only this time she knew exactly what she wanted. It felt like a second chance at life, like she was leaving for the first time all over again. Only this time she would get it right.

_SSSSS_

He found it hard to concentrate on work that day. It was an anniversary of sorts. The anniversary of the day Penny moved in across the hall. The anniversary of when Sheldon discovered he had a heart. The anniversary of the day he wished he could go back and do over. He wished that, how many times? so many even his eidetic memory couldn't keep count.

It had been several days since he checked his account, but this time his eyes widened when he saw the screen, and for a second he wasn't sure he punched in all the right codes.

The account had a zero balance.

_Great Ceasar's ghost, what did that woman do, finally purchase a new vehicle without flashing warning signals?_

He double checked, and then sat back in his chair. He looked at his phone and his messages. Nothing. He logged into his email account, facebook, nothing. Surely she would reach out to him? It was enough money to live on for six months!

Sheldon was beginning to wonder if his account had been hacked. It was nine hours earlier in California, he'd have to wait until he got home this evening to call.

_No eating out tonight, I'll just have to pick something up on my way home. _

_SSSSS_

When she got to her apartment her boxes had already been delivered. She inwardly thanked Raj for making her pack some things early and ship them ahead of time.

And although she had been traveling for close to two days, there would be no down time for her. She'd have to start unpacking them to get out what she needed for a shower.

_SSSSS_

After an exhausting day, his emotions playing havoc on his mind, he returned to his apartment and entered the elevator. When the bell sounded, and the doors opened, he immediately noticed the door across the hall opened just a bit, light spilling forth.

.

.

.

_New neighbor? _

_SSSSS_

Penny heard the elevator ding, and that's when she realized she forgot to close her door. She wasn't in any mood to make small talk, but just as she was turning to reach for the knob, she froze...

_SSSSS_

He moved towards his own door to let himself in, and leaned just enough to glance into the apartment across the hall.

And just as it did all those years ago, Sheldon's heart skipped, his breath caught in his chest, and his eyes were burned with light, as he just stood there and drank in all five feet six inches of intoxicating Penny...

_SSSSS_

She couldn't believe her eyes. There Sheldon stood, not awkward boyish charm, but six foot one of GQ madness, hair and beard grown out, a long trench coat draped across his tall frame with his shirt half unbuttoned underneath exposing the top of the superman logo. She wasn't smitten, she was mesmerized. She thought she was watching a movie unfold. Her heart hammered so hard she shook. With a brief feeling of deja vu, she knew she had been given her second chance. So she forced herself not to run straight into his arms, and gave him her most matter of fact, come hither smile.

_SSSSS_

Sheldon felt as though he were in a play, onstage, acting out someone else's life. Her face was challenging and playful, so he straightened up to his full height and stepped confidently towards the door. Second chances came but once in a lifetime.

Two could play at this game. It was on.

.

.

.

Penny: "Oh Hi!"

.

Sheldon: "Hi!" (grinning widely)

.

Penny: "Hi"

.

Sheldon: " I don't mean to interrupt, but I live across the hall."

.

Penny: " Oh, okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbor, Penny. "

.

Sheldon: "I'm Sheldon "

.

Penny: " Hi."

.

Sheldon: " Hi."

.

Penny: " Hiiii."

.

Sheldon: " Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building."

.

Penny: "Thank you, maybe we can have _coffee_ sometime." _With an emphasis on the coffee._

_._

Sheldon: " Oh, great. " he gave her his most adorable lopsided grin.

.

Penny: " Great. "

.

Sheldon: " Great. Well, Anyway, um. I brought home take out. And, I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect. Would you care to join me?"

.

Gallantly he swept his arm across the hall towards his apartment.

.

Penny: "I'd love to...but " ..._she pouted..._ "...my shower doesn't work, and I'm all gross from moving."

.

Sheldon: " My shower works."

.

Penny: "Really? Would it be totally weird if I used it?" _batting her eyes seductively..._

_._

Sheldon breathed out in a low raspy voice, his eyes hooded, slowly shaking his head.

.

.

"...No..."

.

And when she stepped over his threshold, and into the room, she turned around to meet him and stared up into his incredibly delicious eyes.

.

"Hey, are you one of those beautiful mind genius CERN guys?"

.

Sheldon could barely move or think so he let out a quiet..."Yeah. "

.

Penny could contain herself no longer, and was the first to cave..."Not as genius as you think moonpie, this is where you're supposed to kiss me."

.

"I thought you'd never ask."

.

And then Sheldon with majestic superhero glory, swooped up the woman he loved in an embrace that would have given hopeless romantics everywhere pause, and he did what he had wanted to do on that fateful day many years ago.

He dropped her in a slight dip and kissed the woman of his dreams like his whole future depended on it.

And fireworks burst, bells chimed, waves crashed into the shore, and toes curled.

And Raj was right. The two pieces came together and clicked. And Sheldon would look back on this moment and poetically compare it to supernova (metaphorically).

..._extremely luminous with a burst of radiation that briefly outshines an entire galaxy, and radiates as much energy as the sun is expected to emit over its entire life span..._

_._

And where years ago, each one felt they were destined to roam the universe alone, they were now made complete in a world of mystery and wonder. And they finally knew where they belonged. Together and forever, in each other's hearts.

.

.

.

Maybe time machines really do exist.

**_"From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being."  
-Unknown_**


	8. Epilogue

**AN: Ok, so maybe I should have left it well enough alone, but I always planned on having an epilogue of my own little BBT world and expanding on the "permutation" of Sheldon. Posting the last chapter on Christmas when the site decided not to let people leave reviews was a bit disheartening, so here it is. If you like the story better without it, just delete it from your brain! Thank you for all who reviewed, faved and followed. You made my life spark in your own little way. On to my epilogue!**

* * *

_"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." ―William Shakespeare_

_ ._

Amy moved into Penny's old apartment and began a passionate love affair with Raj. He was completely in his element as a hopeless romantic, lavishing long hidden gentlemanly charm towards a more than willing Amy. You'd never seen the woman glow so brightly. They still hadn't slept together, for now, they were having too much fun with the courtship...

.

Howard and Bernadette were expecting their first child in the fall, and you would have thought they whole gang was pregnant. Each was as excited for the event as the parents. They couldn't all wait to be uncles or aunts or godparents, and most gatherings were focused on sharing information on birthing techniques, crib choices, nanny resumes and pre-schools.

.

Leonard met a woman at comic con. Turns out she was a pretty noteworthy psychiatrist in LA. Howard constantly made fun of the obvious Oedipal reference, but Leonard never minded, having finally decided that you make your own happiness in life. She was 5 foot one of pure red headed spit fire, and they hit it off immediately. She knew absolutely nothing about physics, but was an avid trekkie and even loved Babylon 5. She thought his mind was brilliant, and he thought her insight was refreshing. They had a ball everywhere they went, and the hole in his heart finally closed, having been filled.

.

Sheldon and Penny quickly became the supercouple of Europe. Once she was there, the last little bit of his brain matter which was longing for Penny was finally free to join the rest of his mind, and he published numerous articles and gained notoriety in the scientific community. He was even interviewed on a prominent news show for his work in magnetic-field-induced superconductivity. Penny's acting classes were put to good use as she dressed and prepped him for every speech, presentation, and dinner. And who could deny the affect it had being seen with Penny in all her gown wearing glory at each event. She guided him carefully through each social situation, and in fact, many theorized that without Penny's support Sheldon might not have become as renowned. He never minded sharing the glory. Without Penny upon which to gaze as he spoke from many a podium, he would never get over his fear of crowds. She was his rock.

.

Penny pushed Sheldon to have a reunion with the gang after the baby was born. Surprisingly they stayed at Howard's as they had recently bought a new house. Turns out there was nothing awkward or uneasy about them all being together, in fact it had been better than ever. Raj always played the gracious host, (no matter whose house it was). Howard had stopped with the lewd remarks, Leonard thanked Penny for her role in helping him come out of his shell and have the courage to approach women. Amy even had a talk with Sheldon about how she appreciated him holding firm to his gut when they never became intimate. She was so happy with Raj she sparkled, and that was worth everything to Sheldon.

.

All in all it was Sheldon who had appeared the most changed. Notwithstanding his new look, he shook hands with Howard and congratulated him on becoming a father. He also thanked Leonard for his role in bringing Penny into his life. But the biggest surprise was how much he hogged the baby while he was there. He told Howard how envious he was of him for that little bundle of miracle. No one could have been more transparent.

.

They would returned home twice yearly to visit their friends. It was always a week of good food, game playing, movie marathons and paint ball. It was kite fighting and laser chess, and becoming a kid again. But most of all, it was laughter. Sheldon began looking forward to each reunion like a child who couldn't wait for Christmas.

Everyone seemed at peace in their own little world they made for themselves.

And even though he believed in the many verse theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, he wanted to remain forever in this one.

.

_True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing. Unknown._


End file.
